literature

Shakespeare's Touhou, Act I Scene 1

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Literature Text

SHAKESPEARE’S TOUHOU

or

THE COMEDY OF THE SCARLET DEVIL

Inspired by the work of William Shakespeare, Ian Doescher and Team Shanghai Alice.

 

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

 

CHORUS

 

REIMU HAKUREI, a shrine maiden

MARISA KIRISAME, an ordinary magician

RUMIA, of the dusk

DAIYOUSEI, a greater fairy

CIRNO, an ice fairy

HONG MEILING, a gate guard

PATCHOULI KNOWLEDGE, a librarian

KOAKUMA, her assistant

SAKUYA IZAYOI, a maid

REMILIA SCARLET, of the Scarlet Devil Mansion

FLANDRE SCARLET, her younger sister

 


 

PROLOGUE.

Outside the Hakurei shrine.

 

Enter chorus.

CHORUS                   Though oft the fragile peace was safely kept

                              O’er Gensokyo, a land of Eastern myth,

                              Alas! Anon, a crimson fog is swept

                              Upon our scene to chaos make forthwith.

                              Now noble Reimu to the lake doth go

                              To make clear whence the scarlet mist hath come.

                              For summer now made wint’ry by this woe

                              She claimeth warrants least a bite of thumb.

                              Still yet we find she leaveth not alone,

                              For Marisa the mage follows to see

                              The lake as well, and on its isle unknown

                              Make satisfy’d her curiosity.

                              Belike here now our play begins it seems,

                              Betwixt our follies found of crimson dreams.

[Exit.]

ACT I

SCENE 1.

In the forest near the lake.

 

Enter REIMU HAKUREI.

REIMU                       This hour of late a tranquil feeling brings

                               That in this moment nothing could surpass!

                               Though yet the task my duty sets still looms,

                               No man could marvel not this breezy night!

                               But fie! So quick my reverie is lost

                               Inside this damnèd mist that plagues us so.

                               So where from might the wicked knave observe?

                               What amphithe’ter vantage point sits she

                               Who presently destroys our sacred peace?

                               The darken’d spirits whom I know quite well,

                               That I suspect are players of this plot,

                               Do shun the light, hence presently emerge.

                               Yet with this night I find with mortal eyes

                               No diff’rent scene had I departed noon!

Enter RUMIA, across the stage.

REIMU                       O night! Prithee, wherefore mock'st thou me so,

                               Makest fools of sons who bloom with sunlight’s aid?

                               Had not this current fate be struck upon us now,

                               Thou, night, would next my adversary be.

                               Still though, I find without the sense called sight,

                               The orphan, sibling senses do bloom strong.

                               So not the night, but night within I feel

                               A sense of romance dancing in the dark!

RUMIA                       Here, here! Thy speech was sound and pleasing. Yes,

                               For one conceived by tongue of human flesh.

                               I too make love of rev’ling at the set,

                               And ghosts do too a wondrous night create!                        

REIMU                       O, by the gods, what now? Make clear thyself!

RUMIA                      ‘Tis Rumia I’m called, and what of thee?

REIMU                       [Aside:] A girl she seems, but actu’ly a beast.

                               A treat with her will treat her to a feast!

                               [To RUMIA:] Now, Reimu Hakurei doth here stand by,

                               But constable’s the role I’ll play with thee.

RUMIA                       Whence did the coldness come within thy speech?

                               [Aside:] I’ll say, tonight a chill’d dessert is made!

                               What spirit hath thy memory consum’d?

                               ‘Tis but moments ago we met anon.

REIMU                       Hast thou been dim to blindness of mankind?

                               The dark in which we present find ourselves,

                               My kind is suited to as moths to flames!

                               Now go upon thy merry way, for I

                               Have naught a sec for flesh-consuming sods.

                               Though beast’s the part thou play’st and thus

                               The gods have not a warrant for arrest,

                               Should rabid nature spur thee towards my path,

                               I’ll make no pause to strike thee down.

RUMIA                                  --Forsooth!

                               Thy reas’ning molds a two-edg’d blade that such

                               Thou dost strike me and also strike thyself.

                               A blunder thou hast made to lend this part to me,

                               To tell the actress not to act? Nonsense!

                               No doubt thou find’st a fool that stands aloof

                               Before thee and beneath. But truly now

                               If rampant fool’s the role bestow’d by fate,

                               Then verily I’ll play this part my best!

                               Let not thy soul be troubl’d by these teeth,

                               Bite not thy thumb at me, instead let me

                               Bite hand and fingers all to whet the tongue!

REIMU                       What brand of fool thou seek’st to play tonight

                               That spews one truth, then lapses to a child

                               Who rationale and common sense lackest,

                               And takest not a friend for food, instead

                               Thou takest them as food, but not for thought!

RUMIA                      Is that which now thou speakest so?

REIMU                                   --Of course!

                              What silliness it is that I should find tonight

                              A wench controlling black’ning darkness, yet

                              Possess a darker void left empty in her skull.

RUMIA                      Methinks thou dost protest too much compar’d

                              To appetizers. Now, thyself prepare!

REIMU                      Perchance thou canst recall a local phrase,

                              That bitter taste doth sign good medicine?

[They fight. RUMIA is defeated.]

REIMU                      Of course, thou wouldst not know good medicine,

                              Since bitter flavor ties thy tongue within!

 

[Exeunt.]

I'm definitely not an expert when it comes to early modern English but I couldn't resist the parody.

Source material here. Note, it doesn't make for a very interesting read by itself.

May continue, may not. Is Shakespeare still popular nowadays? I'm not sure myself. If anyone notices a major grammar error or similar, please let me know!
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dawnflower8's avatar
Are you ever going to complete this? It's wonderful. (Because I love Shakespeare and Touhou)